Does Not Equal

An open letter to all real food, traditional, GAPS, SCD, paleo, primal, and low-carb bloggers and cook book authors:

Please stop lying to us. Actually, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you’re not deviously lying to get people to read your blog or buy your book, but that it’s just been so long since you’ve had an actual potato that you forgot what one tastes like.

Because it doesn’t matter how many times you post it, mushing up a head of cooked cauliflower into a puree does not make it taste like mashed potatoes, regardless of how much butter, cream, garlic, salt, or cheese you add to it.

Grating a head of cauliflower into rice-sized bits does not make it taste like rice.

Roasting a bunch of cauliflower florets does not make them taste like french fries, even the baked kind. And while we’re at it, roasted turnips, parsnips, and rutabaga don’t taste like french fries either.

I happen to think that cauliflower au gratin is delicious, but please stop posting recipes for cauliflower drenched in a cheese sauce and claiming it tastes like mac n’ cheese. You’re not fooling anyone.

And for the love of all things Italian and Mexican, do not try to pass off a mushed circle of cauliflower and mozzarella as a pizza crust and/or a tortilla (and by the way, you should not be able to make those two items from the same recipe in any case).

Don’t get me wrong: I eat and like quite a bit of this stuff, but I do it with no illusions. Cauliflower in all its forms tastes like cauliflower, which I happen to enjoy. But when you tell someone they’re going to get to eat a delicious pudding and then give them a recipe for oozing, gloppy chia gel, well honestly, that’s just not very neighborly.

So if we could all agree to start calling it “chia oobleck” instead of “chia pudding”, I think we would be doing all the recipe browsers out there a big favor.

Now let’s wrap this up before I get started on grain-free “breads”.

Just remember, in the spirit of openness and transparency:


Can’t we just accept cauliflower for what it is? I think its self-esteem is starting to suffer.


2 thoughts on “Does Not Equal

  1. It reminds me of stuff like soy sausages. If you choose to be vegetarian/vegan/whatever, I respect that[though I adore my meat]. But why then try to imitate something you chose not to to eat?

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